I give up my control Lord

Hey friends!
    Wanted to start this blog off by apologizing for not keep y’all updated on everything the past few months. There’s been a lot of uncertainty and it felt like every time I sat down to right an update something would change. I love writing but I want my words to flow together like a story, and I couldn’t seem to make that happen. So I kept putting it off. I can’t tell y’all the amount of times I’ve sat down to write this blog and would get a paragraph in and give up because it didn’t sound the way I wanted it too. But now I’m finally here and have so many things to update y’all on (even if my words don’t form the way I want them too)!! 

    First things first you’re probably wondering about about how Covid is affecting the race. I’ve known since March or April that there was a possibility we wouldn’t launch in the fall due to the virus. When I first heard this news I honestly was okay with it. I knew the Lord had his hand on the race and whatever happened would be His will. However on the inside I was really betting on launching in September. I would tell myself that it was all in Gods hands but thought there was no way I wasn’t moving to Africa in September. Everything so far about the race has been such a God thing. From applying for the race spontaneously, getting accepted the same week, even the route I chose without much thought was all God. So how could he not let us launch? I’m sure you’ve already guessed, or maybe you already knew… but he completely wrecked my expectations for what the race would look like. Instead of spending 9 months over seas we are spending a semester living in Gainesville learning how to better be a leader and minister to people. During this time we will also be doing ministry around GA just as we would have overseas. In January we will be launching to do 5 months on the field. I have no idea what these months will look like. We aren’t even sure of our countries yet. But I’ve learned that nothing is final and the Lord always has a way. He has the ultimate plan and we’re all here to just be pieces in it. 

   I want to share a little bit of my heart with you, but first I feel I need to tell you the story of how I found out we were no longer leaving the country in September. So little backstory real quick: my best friend Dilan is going to a really cool bible school in Tampa. Every year they put on a summer camp where the recently graduated students are the counselors. She had invited me to go to the summer camp with her so she could get a feel for the school. Weeks before the actual camp. I immediately told her that I didn’t want to go. Well then 24 hours before the camp I decided that I actually did want to go with her because it is the last year I can ever be a camper. Let me tell y’all that was such a God thing… but that’s another story for another time. Any ways, so I go to this camp and find out we aren’t allowed to have our phones on us. Which was no big deal at first. I made a bunch of super cool friends who I ended up staying a night with after camp was over. So I get my phone back Friday morning and see some messages in our squad group me about an urgent email. It was the email letting us know that we would be staying a semester in Georgia. I was immediately filled with so much confusion and anxiety. I couldn’t breath normally and felt like bawling my eyes out in the front seat of Dilans car (if you know me well you know it takes a lot for me to cry in front of people). I for sure thought the Lord would remain faithful to my plans. Key word: MY plans. Forgot to mention the part where I had 48 hours to make a decision about whether I was gonna go or not. Everybody else had a whole week to decide. But I was rushed with only 48 hours to process this and seek for the Lords answer. But I really wanted to be present with my friends I was staying with so I put my phone away and told the Lord to make it known to me what he wants me to do.

    That Monday rolls around and I have to give an answer to my advisor, shout out to Drew. I hadn’t felt like the Lord had given me a clear answer. But it’s funny because that was what this entire World Race journey has looked like for me. I never felt like I was given any clear answers. From the moment I applied, up until this moment. Every time a decision was brought to me I had to rely on the faith I had in God. I had to believe that he would ultimately lead me to His plan, and let me tell you every single time He was right there with me, guiding me. Last night at youth we watched a video about a girl who lived with her widowed father and she had lost her vision. Her Father wouldn’t tell her when he was there helping her, he would let her figure out how to do everyday task. But every single time He was there helping her and guiding her. Making sure that she would be okay. Thats how the Lord is, even when we don’t see him working. Even when things don’t seem clear, He has His hand over everything. We just have to put our faith into him. Thats what I’ve been learning a lot lately. To trust in him even when things seem unclear or uncertain. 

   When this whole pandemic started I literally got mad at God. I was angry that nothing ever happens how it is suppose too. This year was not supposed to look like this. I remember being 10 and thinking about how awesome the year 2020 was going to be. There wasn’t supposed to be a global pandemic keeping us inside of our houses for months. There wasn’t supposed to be riots all over the country. My summer after senior year was not supposed to look like this. I should be going to training camp in a week and a half. I should be moving to Africa in 2 months. Every time I’ve ever gone on a mission trip something unexpected happened. Something out of my control. It felt like the Lord was trying to tell me that I shouldn’t do missions even though that’s my passion. I was so confused and angry. Asking him why my life is so full of uncertainty.

    I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and we were talking about how no plan is ever final. Thats the hard truth I’ve been learning lately. The Lords plans are not our own. I ask him to take control of my life but at the same time I’m sitting here not wanting to give it up. I want to have certainty. I want to have a plan. I want to know what tomorrow holds. I feel like the Lord is speaking to my heart right now telling me that I do have certainty in my life, it’s just not the kind my flesh is looking for, but the kind my flesh needs. I know for certain the He is a good God. I know for certain that He loves me more than anything and that He fully knows me as his child. My certainty is in Him, not my plans for the future. 

   So though this is not how I imagined the World Race going, He knew all along. When he called me to this place he fully knew 3 months of it would be spent in Georgia. And in all honesty staying in the country ended up being such a blessing. Now I get to come home for the holidays and I get to meet my nephew sooner than expected. I’ll have more contact with friends and family. I’ll also be more equipped for the field, as well as learn how to do ministry in every day life in America. I challenge you to live present in each day. Seeking him more in the now instead of worrying about the later. He has it all under control and will lead us in ways we can’t even imagine now. He is so so so good. Even when things seem a little unclear. Trust in his plan for you. Be willing to have a Yes God mind set. 

  My prayer for today:

 Sweet Adonai, 

allow me to always say yes to you. Even when it seems silly. Allow me to give you all control over my life. Let my life glorify and worship all that you are. Allow me to find certainty and satisfaction in you. Let me live each day in the present with you. Allow my love for you not only show through my words, but through my actions and by the way I carry myself. You’re a good Father and I’m so thankful for everyday I have with you. Thank you for your never ending love and redemptive spirit. Love you forever!

Verses about giving Him the control and putting your faith into his hands:

Matthew 6:34 “Therefor do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will not be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Job 12:10 “In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind”

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all you ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” 

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not a the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid”